Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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