How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
