i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
