He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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