can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
