Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
