Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
