just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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