At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
there is glitter all over my balls
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
