And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
