so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.