We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
