I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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