I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
