the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
