put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
