Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
