theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
