got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
