Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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