i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
