I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
