Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
