so that wasnt chicken after all
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
