I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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