Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
