I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
