so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
