i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
