I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
