I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
