Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
