i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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