Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
