Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
