I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
