I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
