Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
