dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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