Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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