If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
