I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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