After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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