I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize