So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
