how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
