perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
