I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
