hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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