I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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