Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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