Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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