I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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