dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
