Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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