I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
