A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize