he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
