you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
