Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
