do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
