He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
