She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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