the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
