I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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