you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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