Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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